I am a real estate mogul...or an apartment manager same thing.

First let me say it doesn't matter what you do for a living as long as you pay rent and aren't a problem.

I have even had a stripper who was actually a wonderful tenant.

But I am not going to lie.

I love to rent to doctors.

They usually have great credit, they are never home and usually cause little to no problems.

So I was showing this woman an apartment.

She had a little baby and her mother with her.

As we are showing the apartment she tells me that her husband is in medical school and she is a nurse.

We start chatting about kids, weather and life in general.

I mention my husband is in dental school and she mentions her husband goes to the Junior College right down the street but he wants to go to medical school someday.

I didn't feel the need to explain that wanting to go to medical school is a lot different than actually being in medical school.

She also mentions that she is a dental hygienist.

Not a nurse but I guess you could consider yourself a dental nurse??

So as I am handing her the applications to fill out she tells me that she is a dental assistant.

Okay.

Seriously.

I never asked what they did for a living.

She offered all the information up.

SoI look over the application and as it turns out she is a part time secretary at a dentist office and he is a tattoo artist who goes to school at night.

Now there is NOTHING wrong with either.

Besides the fact they had horrible credit, income was way below our requirements and I generally don't like renting to liars.

Read more...

Give me space

Remember this couple that live in my friend D( a fellow apartment manager) complex?

Well apparently they decided to stay together.

Shocker.

Well D's complex is made up of one bedroom and studios.

There is however two 2 bedroom apartments.

The managers and the one right below it.

It has been occupied for years.

So one day the volatile lady asks if that two bedroom is open.

D replies that it's not but she will let her know if it comes open.

The thing is that now the volatile couple call once a week or so to see if there is any word on that two bedroom.

Which would only be slightly annoying if they didn't call between the hours of 10 and 11pm.

Which coincidentally seems to be the time of night they have their most heated "discussions"

So basically every time they get in a fight they want a bigger apartment.

Read more...

Tent City

When you manage an apartment complex, especially one that borders the ghetto you more than likely have had a run in with the homeless.

Hey I am not one to judge.

If you want to be homeless that's your choice...is homeless the politically correct word??

Maybe the devotee to outdoor living?

Anyways.

We had a group of vagabond people move in to the Edison field located right next to us.

The group consisted of

2 adult men

1 person(could never tell the exact gender and I mean that in a totally politically correct way)

not really sure why I feel the need to be so pr today?

1 woman

4 dogs

PLUS they had two tents

A BBQ pit

Some mattresses

A bike

And like 6 Target carts you know the ones that have the "sensors" that apparently go off when you cross that big yellow line?

Anyways

They really were making themselves right at home.

Now I realize that these could be ex-convicts

Or they could be wanted fellons

Or maybe they were the jurors from the Casey Anthony trial trying to find refuge

Or maybe they are NBA players since they are out of work right now and clearly don't make enough money

Or maybe it's the Lohan family

Or maybe they are just homeless...I mean Permanent Address Impaired

I found them rather annoying but every single call I made to the police resulted in nothing.

The police would come find their little city they had created but apparently no one was home so they did nothing.

Then my boss came upon the little city the Domicile Challenged family had created and became obsessed with the removal of them all their dogs and their carts.

So I called the police...again.

Nada

I call Edison and I am transfered to about 100 different people until I finally leave a voicemail for someone named Robert.

Robert calls me and asks if I was wanting to book the lot for a movie production.

??

People really film movies on Edison lots?

News to me.

I tell him that I would like to make a movie about Tent City popping up in their field.

He didn't think I was funny, but said he would work on it.

About four days later a chain was put up between two poles.

WOW

Thank you Edison.

I am sure once all of The Residentless see that big scary chain they wont just walk over it, around it, or under it they will simply turn around and find another Edison field to reside in.

Because it's not like there is a 4 foot gap between the pole and the fence.

Seriously?

As suspected by anyone with half a brain the chain did nothing and even more tents and more houseless people moved in.

Now the thing about me is when I am on a mission I am simply obsessed.

So I called the police...again.

Nada.

Again

Nada

I called so much that the operator and I were on first name basis.

No joke.

Her name is Veronica.

So one day the police were visiting our property for a whole different reason and post and I told the officer about tent city.

He said he patrolled the area often and had not seen it.

I was baffled.

I asked if he had ever drivin onto the Edison lot

He said no because there is a chain up.

Seriously!?

So he walks over to the field and I do a little victory dance.

Because you have to realize that my boss comes down once a week and asks me why they are still there

EVERY

SINGLE

TIME

The police officer comes over after about 10 minutes and explains that there was just one woman there and he asked her to leave.

BUT

She said she couldn't leave because she was too overweight.

So the officer informed me that her family should be "home" soon and she would leave.

That's it!?

So the officer leaves and I kid you not that same overweight woman came out of the Edison field riding her bike.

As it turns out the whole crew did move their camp.

Yep moved it further back into the Edison field so they weren't so visible.

Whatever, I gave up.

Fast forward three months later and I get some dude from the city health department saying that they found a tremendous amount of feces and urine in the reservoir that runs behind the complex.

(yes the property is next door to an Edison field and infront of a reservoir but I promise it's nice)

The guy was all upset as if I was going back there to take a crap during my down time.

I explained the....okay I can't think of anymore names so let's just call them homeless.

I explained the homeless people who reside in the field.

This dude was pissed and asked me if I had ever called the police.

slap head...ugh

So he called the police.

Then I gave him Roberts aka Mr. Hollywood to see if he can maybe put like a sign that says

" Pretty P\please don't live here" because that would be about as productive as his chain.

Long story short....they are still there.

PS-Don't drink the water.

Read more...

What I have been up to...

Eviction

Overweight Homeless woman on bike

Poop in the water system

Fire Ants

Dead Batteries

Police Officers

Hit N Run

The Volatile couple strike again

I decide to quit

I change my mind

I change it again

Someone breaks into the office

Crazy Mercedes Guy

"stolen" Engine

Judge Judy

Dead Guy

That sort of sums up the last couple months.

What have you been up to?

Read more...

Dr. McStupid

My complex is near several teaching hospitals therefor I have a lot of medical residents that live here.
It actually makes for a very quiet complex due to the fact that medical residents are almost never home.
I also feel good in the fact that between all the doctors and nurses here we should be covered in a medical emergency.
Although there is one of my tenants who I would surely run right past his door if I were in need of a doctor.
The funny part is that he is actually a neurosurgeon.
You know like Dr. McDreamy....without the good looks, personality and...well he is nothing like McDreamy.
When he moved in I was actually impressed with his application.
He went to all the really well known prestigious schools and had traveled all over the country and world.

So he moves in.
The day after he moves in he calls me and tells me he has a problem.
I go over there and he turns on the light switch in the bedroom and complains it's broken.
I ask him what it is he would like to happen when he turned the light switch on.
He says he would like there to be light.
I explain that you must plug something into the wall for the light switch to work as there was no light fixture in the room.

Then a few weeks later he comes and complains that when he takes a shower the water is always leaking out of the shower making a big mess on the floor.
I go in to check it out and notice that he has no shower curtain.
I explain that a shower curtain would prevent this from happening.
He looked at me like I just cured the common cold.
Really?

Then a few weeks back I was walking by his apartment and he stopped me to complain that the water doesn't stay very hot on the weekends.
I asked him why just on the weekends.
He explains that it's probably because so many people are using the hot water then.
He then went on to say that he just takes a shower at work on the weekends in order to get sufficient amount of hot water.
I then walk into his apartment and into his closet and show him the water heater sitting right there.
I go on to tell him that he has his own water heater so what his neighbors are doing has nothing to do with his water temp.
He looked at me and asked if our maintenance man could come take a look at it then because it doesn't work on Saturdays and Sundays.

Apparently common sense isn't required in neurology.

Read more...

I am back!

I have been busy repopulating the earth.
Because if there is one thing this world needs more of it's people.
Right?
While on my break I have been keeping a journal of stories to tell.
And now that my hormones have calmed down a bit I can actually articulate these stories without using profanity.
Because profanity doesn't get anyone to pay the rent.
Most of the time.

So I have a tenant who is...weird.
And I am putting it nicely.
He doesn't cause trouble.
He pays his rent.
He is generally quiet.
But just weird.
Anyways.

So I get a call on my emergency line.
If you recall the only time using the emergency line is okay is if there is Fire, Flood or Blood
(and in the blood case please call 9-1-1 first...well actually now that I think about don't call me at all)
Okay so let's just say it's okay to call in the case of Fire and Flood.
When he called he said that there was a HUGE flood in his apartment.
He stated that water was flowing down from the apartment above and soaking his kitchen.
If I went by his description you would think he needed to start constructing an arc for goodness sakes.
I have done this job long enough.
So instead of running out the door I simply called my Maintenance Man to go see.
My Maintenance Man informs me that there is a little dribble coming from upstairs.
Turns out a water pipe for the dishwasher broke and it was repaired and we went about our day.
Late that night the tenant comes in and explains he would like to be compensated for his items that were ruined during this "flood"
When I inquired as to what was damaged he explained and I quote
"A box of cereal and a box of PopTarts for my kids"
Seriously!?
I love that he threw in "for my kids" as if his kids will go hungry if they don't have their PopTarts or cereal.
I should also add that he has his kids two days a month.
I should also add that the box of cereal was already half gone and there was only one package of PopTarts left.

I just had to leave him for a moment and go inside my apartment and laugh.
Luckily my husband was home so we could laugh together.
My husband suggested we give him a bag of our Joe-O's cereal to compensate for his loss.


What got me was how incredibly serious he was about this.
So I asked what he had in mind.
He said $15.
Gesh.
Talk about inflation.
PopTarts and generic corn flakes have really gone up.
I explained he could get the depreciated value of his loss.
So I offered him $1
I would have gone up to $2
But he took it.

Read more...

It's a sad day...

When you have to pass out notices to all the tenants asking them to STOP trying to jam Chuck-E-Cheese tokens into the washers.

Read more...